maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize