you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
