She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
