remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Are my feet made of real feet?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Randomize
