I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
