I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
