Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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