Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
