do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
