Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have post one night stand depression
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