sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
