I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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