Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
