i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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