you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
