new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
