i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
