i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
