Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
