the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
