JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize