I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
