Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
