i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
