Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize