i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She bit a glass in half.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
