I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
