Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
