how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
