you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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