so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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