He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
