Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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