My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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