hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
