4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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