One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
