nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
