I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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