my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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