that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
