What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
