Dual....:-)
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
