I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
