Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
where am i from again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize