when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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