His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize