roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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