I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
