you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
