just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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