True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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