My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
