you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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