You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
