Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
