There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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