Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
