Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
