You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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