I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
