Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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