i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
