He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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