After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
