I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
