FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You are a genius and a whore.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
