More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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