party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
