If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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