idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
