Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she peed on how many people?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
