You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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