Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
